I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
