also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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