Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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