Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
