i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
