so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize