where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
