Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
