it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just blew my weed a kiss
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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