I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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