I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
