there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
