I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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