god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
