Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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