My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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