Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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