I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
