Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
