I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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