Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
