if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
