OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
