so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
