Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
