when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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