Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We need to get me chipped asap
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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