Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
