we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
