having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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