Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
