Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize