Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
