i love accidental penises.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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