Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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