did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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