I accidentally burped into my bong.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize