Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
