I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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