i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
