Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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