Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
