i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His nipple licking is glorious
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