i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
