Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hate all girls vehemently.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
