I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
