I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
