he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
