wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
