two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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