We're like a lot better than the average bears
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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