...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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