Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The adults are the big ones right?
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