so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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