Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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