im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
