He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
