i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
