I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
