dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
